Chatter mind

I am away this week at the annual winter course for AACH (American Academy on Communication in Healthcare). This is a group I only half jokingly refer to as "my tribe". That is, we share a lot of dearly held ideals about the potential humanity of our healthcare system once it returns to a patient-centered or shared decision-making model with mutual respect at it's core.
One of the things I love about the winter course is the time for renewal and personal growth. The fact that it often occurs out of town for a whole week allows time to disconnect from the usual hustle and bustle and gradually tune IN to self.
As I leave the everyday clutter behind I am often amazed at how much my brain hangs on to "busyness" and business. This year I opted to drive the 9 hours from Pittsburgh to Chester, CT as a way of transitioning into the physical and emotional space. In truth I was kind of looking forward to the solo time with my relatively new car and my music loaded up on my iPod touch.
The first few hours were energetically accompanied by Stephen Sondheim, Brahms and Jonatha Brooks. Darkness, drenching rains and aching shoulders displaced my initial enthusiasm for the journey and I quit for the night at a hotel in eastern PA not even halfway there.
The next day I resumed, reassured by daylight and the prospect of rejoining old friends. I started out this time without the ever-present "soundtrack to my life". No phones, pagers or music. At first I could feel my shoulders relax down from around my ears and the pace of my driving slow to a more mindful and less anxiety provoking rate (at least until the occasional boluses of harried drivers would rush to hydroplane around me). I noticed the infinite palates of grays, tans and reds of the New England winter. I smelled the tang of muddy spring around the corner.
After a few hours of this my mind started to fill the unfamiliar silence with the continuous commentary I call "Chatter mind". My mind bounces from question to disparate question..."How many skunks and possums actually make it across the road?" "Where are the pushy drivers hurrying off to?" "Will Guy remember to order the tickets for Alex's upcoming concert?"... And on and on..It is often Chatter mind that makes me despair of ever being able to truly meditate and let go of the endless to-do list of my life. Happily, after a week of AACH connection I can often sustain a renewing silence for hours.
I'll let you know how the return drive goes.